the eternal mission's trip....

i've been on 3 mission's trips in my lifetime. the first two were to romania, and the second was here in swaziland. all three mission's trips have been during a time of the year when temperatures were chilly. most people don't seem to believe us when we say we are cold...but it's been dipping into the 30's here in swaziland this winter....and romania....oh romania....you were so cold i don't care to ever visit you again. i'm going to sound completely pathetic here, but the thing i remember most vividly about each one of those trips, was being cold. cold inside, cold outside. on every trip i slept in my clothes. that way, i didn't have to change in the cold morning temps. i slept with socks on my feet, and socks on my hands. on all three trips i remember having little or no hot water. i remember terrible water pressure....barely enough to rinse soap off one's body or out of one's hair. i remember wanting to eat...but nothing sounding good....nothing tasting good.

i have been here 11 weeks and 4 days. but it feels more like 11 years and 4 more years. all the things i remember about a mission's trip have become my life. incase anyone ever wondered, no, the water pressure isn't any better away from where the mission's team stays. the hot water is just as unreliable....so is the cold for that matter. basically, you turn the water on and hope for the best. it might be too hot, it might be too cold......but hey, you have running water...so you are blessed. my body temperature has made it up to "not shivering" on 4 different days since we have been here. that's it...4 days. i cannot get warm. and then there's the food....it's not hard to eat at home...really, where else are you going to go? the options....they don't exactly feel optional at all.....

the part about the eternal mission's trip that is the hardest though? the part where people come to your car needing money to feed their children when you are loading your groceries. the part where the man comes to your gate asking for bread and juice because the ARV's he's taking to combat the HIV/AIDS are making him sick because he doesn't have enough food to make them work. the part where he raises his pant legs so you can see his frail skin and bone legs with sores on them so you will give him money for pain medicine. did you know that if people taking the ARV's, to keep the HIV/AIDS at bay, don't get enough nutritional food along with the medicine, the medicine actually makes them more sick? i didn't. not before i got here. this man comes by our house ever so often. he comes by wanting to spray for bugs. he comes by telling us he's trying to pay for his kids' schooling. as i looked at him today, i realized something i had never seen before. i looked closely. where before, i always thought he was older. he looked older. he walked older. he acted older. he sounded older. but today as i looked closely, i realized, he isn't old at all. his skin hangs on him because he is thin. his skin hangs on him because he is sick. why had i not done the math? he told me he had children....why did it not register? is he even in his 30's?

before, when i went on a mission's trip, i always got to go home. i would see the faces. i would give the money. i would sleep in my clothes for the 10 days, and then i would leave. i don't get to do that now. now i sit here wondering...how many people can i hand money to? how many people can i give food and water to? how many nights am i going to sleep with socks on my feet and my hands before it feels "normal?"

Failed- "I think"

Failed- “I think”

I have been to Swaziland many times. I know a lot about Swaziland. Well, a lot more than I did 6 or 7 years ago and a lot more than most people I know. I can tell you a little about the history, the culture, and the people of this beautiful little country. I especially can tell you about the challenges Swaziland faces. Unfortunately, that is all most people know about Swaziland.

With all my knowledge about this place and experiences in the past I think I failed my first real “cultural” test since being here. The truth is I have probably already failed many, but I only know about this one. LOL

I was recently invited to the Executive Committee Meeting of the International Ministries Assembly of God. That is the organization that has officially invited my family and I to Swaziland. They are partners with my own organization back in the States. I have worked with the guys in this meeting on many projects and have preached in most of their churches. Needless to say I felt pretty comfortable in the room. I was there for my “official welcome” and to give a brief explanation as to how I was going to accomplish the tasks which have been assigned to me by the Chairman of the Executive Committee, the General Superintendent of the International Ministries Assemblies of God.

I was under the impression that I would be brought in at some point in the meeting, they would greet me and then let me give my presentation and that would be it. I didn’t have any other business being there. I have been a part of enough boards and committees to know that things are discussed and decided that are not for public consumption. So I was a little surprised when I got there and there was chair for me. Then I was handed an agenda and on it the “official greeting” was at the top and the presentation part was 2/3 down the page.

I was thrown a little off kilter by this because I wasn’t sure if this was standard practice and that it was understood that because I was on the agenda I would be at the entire meeting and should just sit there silently or was I suppose to interact. It all made me very uncomfortable. Not at all because of the people or topics discussed. There was nothing too heavy in the meeting. It was just that I knew there were rules everyone in the circle was playing by and yet no one had given me a copy of those rule. I like to know the rules. I NEED to the know the rules.

Was I suppose to sit the quietly or was I suppose to talk. I just couldn’t decide so I tried to remain quiet, but just in case I was suppose to participate- I asked two questions, which seemed to be safe. I was asked to share one suggestion so I did and refrained from any follow up or pushing the topic. It was so insightful to watch the group work through the nuances of my suggestion. I learned a lot that day and I feel so fortunate to have been invited to come along side these great men and help in any way I can.

Enough with all of that, the real reason your still reading is because you want to know how I failed. LOL It was toward the end of the meeting (which was way past the scheduled time) and the group was trying to finalize the assignments on the agenda for their upcoming General Council. It is an important meeting where all of their churches come together and they try to accomplish many things. The topic came up of who was going to share the first devotion. NOW, please understand I’m telling you this after much reflection. In the meeting it looked and felt very different. It started with one man suggesting that another do the devotion and he would respond with something and then quickly defer to someone else this went around the room until one of the gentlemen suggested me. This particular man had seemed the most in tune with what was going with me in the meeting. I noticed him observing my facial expressions and body language. Several times in the meeting he said or did things to make me feel comfortable I believe quite intentionally.

So when I was asked I was shocked a bit. “Wait that is not why I am here.” “I’m already going to be making a presentation at the General Council about our Church Health and Church Planting efforts” “But maybe everyone deferred to make room for me cause they really want me to speak” “I’d like to speak, I always like to speak.” “How do I say no, this is the Executive Committee!” So I didn’t say anything, which was as good as a yes and it was decided I would speak.

As it was being decided it was hitting me like ton of bricks. “You big dummy!- DEFER DEFER” Cultural Intelligence why did you have to fail me now?! I didn’t have to say no but I certainly wasn’t supposed to say yes. This kind man was simply trying to included me. There were at least three other guys in the room I could have deferred to. If it really were the will of the Committee that I speak they would have brought it back around to me. Worse yet, our Field Moderator, who represents the missionaries on the Executive Committee, was just two chairs away from me. I should have deferred to him especially as my representative on the EC. I’m such an idiot, I know. I allowed my preconceived ideas of what my role in the meeting was to be, that lack of knowledge and expectations of how a visitor should behave in these meetings, and quiet possibly my own pride and desire to preach blind me from picking up the cultural clues right in front of me. Cultural Intelligence is hard!

It felt just like swinging at a bad pitch. You know it as soon as you jump on that ball your going to whiff, but once you’ve started to swing there is no pulling the bat back. There is nothing left but to feel like a knucklehead.

So I really don’t know if they actually wanted “me” to speak or not. However, I was already swinging so I gave it the best whiff I could. I know I failed the cultural test but hopefully I didn’t fail at speaking. It seemed to go very well and many people came up and affirmed me. LOL Now that I think about it, many people came up and affirmed me when I first preached at 12 years old also. LOL Who knows??? I know that many of kind friends and spiritualist friends will chime in here. I'm not trying to have false humility, I know I'm a pretty decent preacher and I believe these guys feel that way. Yes, in spite of me or not, God did show up and people were touched through His word. The point is that there are lessons to be learned in every inter-cultural interaction.

Lesson Learned – Even if distracted or uncomfortable read the room for cultural and behavioral clues. Unplug from my “American” auto pilot in this case in the area of decision-making. Stay in “their” rhythm of the communication. Lastly, in spite of it all, your pride and ambition can blind you in any culture.

rf ; )

and the conflict begins...

it seems like the moment we arrived in swaziland, this conflict crept up within me. how can i live with everything that i need while so many around me have so little? it's winter here right now, and it's very cold in the evenings....well, very cold considering there is no central heat. it's been getting down into the 40's and 50's at night, and our house was clearly built to stay cool. which i'm sure will be wonderful in the summer, but it's chilly indoors right now. i'm cold natured....very cold natured. it's a bit miserable in the evenings and mornings. and yet, all i can think about is how i have a scarf to put around me neck. i have plenty of sweat shirts to put on when i am cold. i have a warm comforter to climb under. i have hot water to bathe in before i go to bed. i have a house. i have a roof on my house. i have, i have, i have. all things that seem perfectly normal to have. normal to me...because i was born in the united states of america.

since we moved here i have become alarmingly aware of our waste. when eating at the shopping center, my kids didn't finish their meals. the moment we put them in the trash, there were children who ran to dig our leftovers out of the garbage and then they proceeded to eat them. this has happened every time we've eaten in the plaza since. growing up i remember hearing things like, "don't waste your food, there are kids in africa who could use those leftovers." of course it was true, but it was a reality that seemed a world away. i was completely and totally unaffected by it. but now, when i scrape the uneaten food into the trash can, i can't help but think of the people who live down the road....literally, down the road.

when i bought hangers at the store for all of our clothes, the looks i received were embarrassing. it wasn't that many hangers by american standards, after all, there are six of us and we had very few hangers to hang everything we owned on....and yet, i suddenly felt ridiculous.

everything i do is normal. normal to me. normal to people where i'm from. in fact, i'm the frugal one. i'm the one who doesn't buy things i don't need. i have fewer shoes and clothes than almost every woman i know! almost everything i brought for griffin and ella were hand me downs...but when i look in their closet, it seems so over the top.

from the moment we moved in, there have been people coming to our house wanting a job. every day, several different people a day. we were told that the community expects us to hire people to work at our house.....that we would be seen as selfish and untrusting if we didn't, that it is providing people with a good job. but the thought of it seemed so foreign. of course people hire a cleaning service to come in once a week, or every other week, where i'm from...but every day? who am i that i can expect someone to come into my house and work for me? how is it that it is such a good job here? i look at these women and i am continually reminded that the only thing that separates me from them is where we were born. everyday i look at the gate in front of my house and i wonder, how was it determined which side of that gate that i would stand on? what determined that i would answer the intercom and not be ringing it?

i find myself with racing thoughts as to what i can do to help with hunger, HIV, kids who can't afford to go to school? it's all around me, it seems too big, i feel helpless, i feel overwhelmed....but this doesn't mean i do nothing. just because something is too big, it doesn't mean i do nothing. i pray for wisdom. i pray for creativity. i pray for ingenuity. i pray for strength.

the great gulf of mexico tour 2011

we left allen in an ice/snow storm. seriously, we didn't know if we were going to be able to get away from home. it took us an hour to drive about 10 miles...it was scary....but we overcame.

we drove down to san antonio and arrived just before griffin and ella's normal bed time. in the past, we have tried to keep the kids on their regular schedule, but quite honestly, this isn't working out as a hotel strategy. so this time around, we decided to keep them out late, party it up, feed them, take them shopping, anything that makes them sleepy!!! when we got to san antonio we took them for ice cream, and i took ella shopping for some boots. unfortunately for her, outgrowing your winter boots (that complete all of your outfits) in february, is a BAD DEAL! it seems all the stores are selling spring stuff, and therefore her cold feet weren't getting any warmer. poor ella...

the next day we were up and at 'em. we had to get on the road to make it to mcallen, texas by saturday evening. but first, since we were in san antonio, we decided to make a quick trip and remember the alamo. anyone who has ever been there, can understand when i say that it doesn't take long to remember the alamo. it's not as big as one might think, and i'm not sure, but i think it shrunk since last time i was there in 1996....i remember the year because randy and i celebrated our 1st year anniversary in san antonio, and we remembered the alamo then, too. the kids were so impressed. as i recall, the first thing they said was, "where is the gift shop?"*sigh*

we got back in the car, but not before griffin had to use the restroom....at the alamo...which is his favorite part of the adventure if you ask him. i guess that's better than the gift shop, but i'm not sure...

back on the road.... we drove and we drove and we drove. and in between, we got out of the van, used the restroom, got a snack, got gas, and then we all got back in the van. the getting in and out takes more time than one might think....as we have to unpack the van, get the kids out, pack the van back up, unpack the van, put the kids in, pack the van back up. it's a bit like jenga getting all of our stuff in there, but i don't seem to notice it being a big deal........when it's warm. *sigh*

once in mcallen, we were greeted with warm, sunny skies. it was fantastic! we took off our coats, put on our flip flops, and ella's feet finally thawed out. the church was wonderful, so many friendly people. randy got to enjoy spending time with the pastor that he grew up with as a teenager, and i finally got to meet them! we were in service that sunday morning and at their mission's convention sunday night. which meant we didn't watch the superbowl. i was excited about the mission's convention, and possibly more excited to miss the supberbowl.

while we were in mcallen, we decided to drive down to the border. it was only about 10 minutes...so i took some pictures.

apparently, there really is a fence between us and mexico....i thought it was figurative...but nope....there really is a fence.

monday morning we were up again...but let me make it clear, we do not just wake up in morning time. oh no, we wake up all night long. we just only come out of our hotel room in the morning time. ella loves to wake up, cry, get in bed with us, sleep on our heads, scratch our faces, pull our ears, and kick us in the face all night long. it's awesome.... *sigh*

anyway, back to our monday morning. since we had a service scheduled in the houston area for wednesday night, we decided to take our time making our way up the coast of the gulf of mexico. we started by going to south padre island....after all, sunday it was 75 degrees outside. beautiful! perfect! what could be better than the beach?!?! *sigh*

we stopped at an interesting store on our way...griffin tried on a hat.

it was 65 degrees and so windy i was afraid we may actually end up in mexico. which got me to thinking, man, i wish i was going to mexico! nonetheless, we frolicked in the sand and made an afternoon of it.

the next day we headed north. we saw the ocean, we even rode a ferry. we spent the night somewhere, i'm not sure where. we ate with the locals...of whatever town we were in. we became concerned about the weather as we headed north, as it became clear our wednesday night service would probably be a no go. thank you 24 degree weather and threat of precipitation. *sigh*

we made it home today. after 6 days of travel, 6 nights in a hotel, 2 services, 43 times of someone saying, "how many kids' menus do you need?!?!?!", and 27,000 times of telling our children not run, jump, or yell in a hotel.

and now, now we do the laundry....because we leave again saturday. :)

Maybe in Our Next Career?

Well, it's half way through January and here we are. Things are going really well on the fundraising side of this new adventure...now to get the rest of our lives ready for the big move. It's actually debatable which one is more challenging at this point. I told Randy we should be at least 80% finished with getting rid of our stuff if we are 80% finished with raising our budget. He smiled...and eventually we went through our closet donating everything we aren't taking with us. WHOO HOO for progress.

So far in January we have been staying here in the great state of Texas. The first Sunday we were in Corsicana. Corsicana is special, because during the second week of school, when Randy and I were at Southwestern, Randy asked me if I wanted to go to Corsicana with him on a Wednesday night for church. He was interviewing for a youth pastor position. I thought sure, why not?.... So I went with him. As I was getting in his car, it occurred to me that I didn't know this guy...and I didn't know where Corsicana was. I thought to myself, I must never tell my mother about this. I'm sure I probably did tell her....eventually. Randy got the job, a year later we got married, and the rest is history. Ministering there was nice, it was so good to see the people we knew all those years ago.

Today we were in Bryan, TX. It was a longer drive, so we stayed the night last night. Ella was in rare form. She and Griffin refused to take their nap on the way down...even though it was their exact nap time. They finally fell asleep about 20 minutes before we got to the hotel. Of course. Ella also decided she needed no sleep last night. It's almost as if she is completely oblivious to our need for rest.....especially on Saturday nights. Once we got up and got going, our day was so fantastic. It was one of those churches that you felt like you were at home from the moment you walked in. I really cannot say enough about how friendly the pastor and the people were in this church. Another really great thing, was there were many people in the church from Africa. We met people from Zimbabwe and Kenya. It was really good visiting with them. Honestly, it made us even more excited about our upcoming move.

Bryan is located right next to College Station. Which of course is home to Texas A&M. So we drove around a little before dinner last night. WOW! That's a big school! We enjoyed the town...it had such a great feel to it. As we were driving home this afternoon, I told Randy maybe when we come home from Africa, years down the road, we could buy some land and farm oil down there in the Brazos Valley. Or maybe grow natural gas or something. I've heard natural gas is where it's at these days! But then I remembered my above average fear of fire. It's quite possible I would drive myself crazy always thinking I smelt gas. I remembered the one time I had a gas stove...I hardly slept that year.... I'm not all together sure of how the whole natural gas farming thing works. :) Maybe we should start with something less flammable...

A Note for Donors

Many of you have made pledges for us over the last few months or plan to do so in the very near future to help support our missionary effort in Swaziland. We are so grateful, but we are aware that sometimes the system can be a bit confusing and may even feel a little awkward if you are used to operating in an electronic economy. We apologize for this and want you to know that as team members with a pretty large missions organization we are sure there are many people doing the best they can. I want to go over a couple of commonly asked questions and hopefully help with some of the road blocks we are experiencing.

1. I made a pledge but haven't heard anything.

When you make a pledge it takes a little time for the Missions Organization to process the pledge and assign an account number to you as a donor, etc. This means that it could be a little while before you get anything in the mail from them acknowledging your pledge. I am attempting to send something from me directly when I get acknowledgement of your pledge, but as you might imagine this can delayed as well. I am so sorry for the delay.

2. Where do I send the money? I haven't gotten an envelope.

The first thing to note here is that the address to send the money is:

Assemblies of God World Missions

ATTN: ACCT# 2545895

1445 North Boonville Avenue

Springfield, MO 65802-1894

Secondly, one quirk in the system is that you do not get a envelope and statement UNLESS you have sent in a donation. So your first donation, you will have to provide the envelope (although I try to send that out to you, once I receive notice of your pledge). If for whatever reason you miss a month or misplace your statement and return envelope you will not get another one until you have sent in another donation. They do no automatically come each month. I am exploring an automated service for my newsletters once I leave for the field that will included an envelope, but I just have to figure out a way to keep costs down. If you need extra envelopes please let me know and I will be happy to send them you. I would also be happy to set up an email reminder if you like each month to send in the donation.

3. Why can't I just give online?

Ahhhhh, why indeed. I am sorry I can't answer why to many questions, but I can tell you what is available. You can send in a donation by debit or credit card online by following this link:

https://secure1.ag.org/contributions/detail.cfm?LedgerID=d92bb7ae-6928-4a76-ac48-a8143ecd99f4

If you like to pay each month this way, just follow the link and make a contribution. Again, if you would like an email reminder, I can send you one each month with the contribution link attached.

4. What about automatic giving?

AT this time the system is not set up to directly debit your checking account each month. If you have auto bill pay with your bank you can set that up with them. What you can do is fill out the Credit Card Authorization form and fax or mail it in. By doing so it will automatically charge your credit/debit crd each month. Think of it as auto bill pay. For those of us who are comfortable living in an electronic economy, and don't have the automatic bill pay option with our bank this is my recommended method. *****You make a pledge and then send in this form.***** The web address of the form is here:

http://ag.org/contributorservices_PDF/CRCDAUTH.pdf

I hope this helps with a few issues we are having. I really hope to get all of these things ironed out before leaving for the field. As you might imagine, the fear of getting to the field and budgeted donations not coming in is a real concern for us. We are a missions organization, not a financial institution, so our systems can be little frustrating at times. I hate that, but again please know as many people as possible are working as hard as they can to offer administrative support. Thank you for your patients and please email me at any time if you have any questions.

Randy Freeman