Failed- "I think"

Failed- “I think”

I have been to Swaziland many times. I know a lot about Swaziland. Well, a lot more than I did 6 or 7 years ago and a lot more than most people I know. I can tell you a little about the history, the culture, and the people of this beautiful little country. I especially can tell you about the challenges Swaziland faces. Unfortunately, that is all most people know about Swaziland.

With all my knowledge about this place and experiences in the past I think I failed my first real “cultural” test since being here. The truth is I have probably already failed many, but I only know about this one. LOL

I was recently invited to the Executive Committee Meeting of the International Ministries Assembly of God. That is the organization that has officially invited my family and I to Swaziland. They are partners with my own organization back in the States. I have worked with the guys in this meeting on many projects and have preached in most of their churches. Needless to say I felt pretty comfortable in the room. I was there for my “official welcome” and to give a brief explanation as to how I was going to accomplish the tasks which have been assigned to me by the Chairman of the Executive Committee, the General Superintendent of the International Ministries Assemblies of God.

I was under the impression that I would be brought in at some point in the meeting, they would greet me and then let me give my presentation and that would be it. I didn’t have any other business being there. I have been a part of enough boards and committees to know that things are discussed and decided that are not for public consumption. So I was a little surprised when I got there and there was chair for me. Then I was handed an agenda and on it the “official greeting” was at the top and the presentation part was 2/3 down the page.

I was thrown a little off kilter by this because I wasn’t sure if this was standard practice and that it was understood that because I was on the agenda I would be at the entire meeting and should just sit there silently or was I suppose to interact. It all made me very uncomfortable. Not at all because of the people or topics discussed. There was nothing too heavy in the meeting. It was just that I knew there were rules everyone in the circle was playing by and yet no one had given me a copy of those rule. I like to know the rules. I NEED to the know the rules.

Was I suppose to sit the quietly or was I suppose to talk. I just couldn’t decide so I tried to remain quiet, but just in case I was suppose to participate- I asked two questions, which seemed to be safe. I was asked to share one suggestion so I did and refrained from any follow up or pushing the topic. It was so insightful to watch the group work through the nuances of my suggestion. I learned a lot that day and I feel so fortunate to have been invited to come along side these great men and help in any way I can.

Enough with all of that, the real reason your still reading is because you want to know how I failed. LOL It was toward the end of the meeting (which was way past the scheduled time) and the group was trying to finalize the assignments on the agenda for their upcoming General Council. It is an important meeting where all of their churches come together and they try to accomplish many things. The topic came up of who was going to share the first devotion. NOW, please understand I’m telling you this after much reflection. In the meeting it looked and felt very different. It started with one man suggesting that another do the devotion and he would respond with something and then quickly defer to someone else this went around the room until one of the gentlemen suggested me. This particular man had seemed the most in tune with what was going with me in the meeting. I noticed him observing my facial expressions and body language. Several times in the meeting he said or did things to make me feel comfortable I believe quite intentionally.

So when I was asked I was shocked a bit. “Wait that is not why I am here.” “I’m already going to be making a presentation at the General Council about our Church Health and Church Planting efforts” “But maybe everyone deferred to make room for me cause they really want me to speak” “I’d like to speak, I always like to speak.” “How do I say no, this is the Executive Committee!” So I didn’t say anything, which was as good as a yes and it was decided I would speak.

As it was being decided it was hitting me like ton of bricks. “You big dummy!- DEFER DEFER” Cultural Intelligence why did you have to fail me now?! I didn’t have to say no but I certainly wasn’t supposed to say yes. This kind man was simply trying to included me. There were at least three other guys in the room I could have deferred to. If it really were the will of the Committee that I speak they would have brought it back around to me. Worse yet, our Field Moderator, who represents the missionaries on the Executive Committee, was just two chairs away from me. I should have deferred to him especially as my representative on the EC. I’m such an idiot, I know. I allowed my preconceived ideas of what my role in the meeting was to be, that lack of knowledge and expectations of how a visitor should behave in these meetings, and quiet possibly my own pride and desire to preach blind me from picking up the cultural clues right in front of me. Cultural Intelligence is hard!

It felt just like swinging at a bad pitch. You know it as soon as you jump on that ball your going to whiff, but once you’ve started to swing there is no pulling the bat back. There is nothing left but to feel like a knucklehead.

So I really don’t know if they actually wanted “me” to speak or not. However, I was already swinging so I gave it the best whiff I could. I know I failed the cultural test but hopefully I didn’t fail at speaking. It seemed to go very well and many people came up and affirmed me. LOL Now that I think about it, many people came up and affirmed me when I first preached at 12 years old also. LOL Who knows??? I know that many of kind friends and spiritualist friends will chime in here. I'm not trying to have false humility, I know I'm a pretty decent preacher and I believe these guys feel that way. Yes, in spite of me or not, God did show up and people were touched through His word. The point is that there are lessons to be learned in every inter-cultural interaction.

Lesson Learned – Even if distracted or uncomfortable read the room for cultural and behavioral clues. Unplug from my “American” auto pilot in this case in the area of decision-making. Stay in “their” rhythm of the communication. Lastly, in spite of it all, your pride and ambition can blind you in any culture.

rf ; )

and the conflict begins...

it seems like the moment we arrived in swaziland, this conflict crept up within me. how can i live with everything that i need while so many around me have so little? it's winter here right now, and it's very cold in the evenings....well, very cold considering there is no central heat. it's been getting down into the 40's and 50's at night, and our house was clearly built to stay cool. which i'm sure will be wonderful in the summer, but it's chilly indoors right now. i'm cold natured....very cold natured. it's a bit miserable in the evenings and mornings. and yet, all i can think about is how i have a scarf to put around me neck. i have plenty of sweat shirts to put on when i am cold. i have a warm comforter to climb under. i have hot water to bathe in before i go to bed. i have a house. i have a roof on my house. i have, i have, i have. all things that seem perfectly normal to have. normal to me...because i was born in the united states of america.

since we moved here i have become alarmingly aware of our waste. when eating at the shopping center, my kids didn't finish their meals. the moment we put them in the trash, there were children who ran to dig our leftovers out of the garbage and then they proceeded to eat them. this has happened every time we've eaten in the plaza since. growing up i remember hearing things like, "don't waste your food, there are kids in africa who could use those leftovers." of course it was true, but it was a reality that seemed a world away. i was completely and totally unaffected by it. but now, when i scrape the uneaten food into the trash can, i can't help but think of the people who live down the road....literally, down the road.

when i bought hangers at the store for all of our clothes, the looks i received were embarrassing. it wasn't that many hangers by american standards, after all, there are six of us and we had very few hangers to hang everything we owned on....and yet, i suddenly felt ridiculous.

everything i do is normal. normal to me. normal to people where i'm from. in fact, i'm the frugal one. i'm the one who doesn't buy things i don't need. i have fewer shoes and clothes than almost every woman i know! almost everything i brought for griffin and ella were hand me downs...but when i look in their closet, it seems so over the top.

from the moment we moved in, there have been people coming to our house wanting a job. every day, several different people a day. we were told that the community expects us to hire people to work at our house.....that we would be seen as selfish and untrusting if we didn't, that it is providing people with a good job. but the thought of it seemed so foreign. of course people hire a cleaning service to come in once a week, or every other week, where i'm from...but every day? who am i that i can expect someone to come into my house and work for me? how is it that it is such a good job here? i look at these women and i am continually reminded that the only thing that separates me from them is where we were born. everyday i look at the gate in front of my house and i wonder, how was it determined which side of that gate that i would stand on? what determined that i would answer the intercom and not be ringing it?

i find myself with racing thoughts as to what i can do to help with hunger, HIV, kids who can't afford to go to school? it's all around me, it seems too big, i feel helpless, i feel overwhelmed....but this doesn't mean i do nothing. just because something is too big, it doesn't mean i do nothing. i pray for wisdom. i pray for creativity. i pray for ingenuity. i pray for strength.